


out of place

by noneoftherestofitmatters



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, They Hug, patterson kinda loses it, tasha is in pain (as usual), tasha isnt happy about rich wanting to adopt a kid with patterson, the fluffffffffffff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noneoftherestofitmatters/pseuds/noneoftherestofitmatters
Summary: tasha overhears patterson and rich talking about adopting a kid and feels weird about it, but it's not her place to say anything.orthe zp kid fic NO ONE asked for (believe me, you didn't)
Relationships: Patterson & Tasha Zapata, Patterson/Tasha Zapata
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i guess i'm back from the dead! thank you audrey and ashley for doing that live on ig yesterday and saving this fandom once more.
> 
> this is set in s4e20.  
> and since most of you don't watch blindspot anymore (and you're not wrong), i'll give you a little bit of context: we're in s4 and tasha is a mess because she had to lie to everyone while she was undercover. now she's back on the team, but feels weird and unwelcome, like she doesn't know her people anymore. meanwhile, patterson out of absolutelly nowhere wants to adopt a child and rich is being pushy about adopting a kid WITH HER???? anyway that's all you need to know. this show is a mess i hate that i love it.
> 
> i couldn't have done this without lotusfl0wer's help, ideas and screams. TE AMO ANJÃO, gratidão.
> 
> this is unbetaed and english is not my first language. also it's been a long time since i've written anything, i hope it's not a disaster. ENJOY!

_“And find the place where every single thing you see tells you to stay.”_

\----

“Excuse me, I told you to drop it!” Tasha heard Patterson say in an annoyed tone, just as she was entering the lab.

“You’re welcome!” Rich said and Tasha stopped at the door, not wanting to interrupt the argument. “These adoption lists take forever. Even if you don’t think you’ll want a family until way in the future, you should do this now.”

“I can’t. My life is… crazy!” Patterson sounded overwhelmed, “I mean when would I have time for a kid?”

At this Tasha froze. She didn’t know Patterson was seriously considering adopting a child, but if she’s being honest, there was a lot about her friend she didn’t know… It’s been like this for a long time now. And she didn’t like the feeling.

“When WE would have time for a kid,” Rich answered.

“Oh, stop it” Patterson snapped in annoyance.

WHAT? Did Rich just say he wanted to adopt a child with Patterson? Tasha was confused. She sure missed a lot of things while she was undercover, but the last time she checked, Rich was still obsessed with his ex. Now he wanted a family with Patterson? How about… NO?

Then, Tasha overheard Patterson’s chat with Bethany and she smiled at how the other woman’s voice softened while she spoke with the little one. Patterson would be such an incredible mother; Tasha was sure of that. Seeing her interact with Kurt’s daughter was magical and heartwarming. The way she was always coming up with new nerd games to play with her, the way she talked to her like an adult but made sure the kid followed the conversation, the way Tasha could see the girl loved her “auntie Patterson”. Suddenly she regretted being away for so long and missing the opportunity to see more of this side of her friend. Or even talk to her about lifechanging decisions like having a child.

As Rich walked past her by the door, Tasha realized she shouldn’t be peeking like that. It was rude and also a little weird. Still, for some reason she always did that with Patterson; she watched her from a distance while she worked, talked to her lab assistants or as she pretended to take notes during a boring meeting, but Tasha knew she was drawing some character from one of her games.

“Okay, bye! I love you too!” Patterson said startling Tasha and making her turn back to the door to leave. This was not her place anymore. She didn’t even know how she ended up at the lab to begin with.

Just as she was about to exit, she heard Patterson release a breath and whisper “Okayokayokay”.

Usually, whenever Patterson said that repeatedly, she meant the opposite. So Tasha decided to go with her gut and do what she would have done if this happened before everything got angsty and messy with them, she decided not to run.

“Are you alright?” Tasha asked, closing the door behind her and walking towards Patterson, who was now sitting by her computer and staring at it like she’s seen a ghost. “Patterson?” Tasha tried again getting no response from the other woman. She then touched Patterson’s shoulder lightly, trying not to startle her.

“OHMYGOD!” Patterson yelled grabbing Tasha’s wrist, taking her hand off her shoulder defensively.

“Oh my god I’m sorry!” Tasha apologized and Patterson instantly let go of her wrist, “I tried to call you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“Oh, no no no I’m sorry,” Patterson said. “Did I hurt you?” She pointed to Tasha’s wrist.

“Please, Chiquita, you’re strong but it takes a lot more to hurt me,” Tasha answered playfully, and Patterson made a face. “What?” The Latina asked, and got a dismissive laugh and a head shake from her friend, “What?” She pressured, making Patterson look at her.

“It’s just--” Patterson begun and then stared down at her own hands.

“What is it? You can tell me,” Tasha asked again, softly.

“It’s silly actually,” the blonde woman smiled still looking at her hands and continued, “It’s just that it’s been a long time since you called me that.”

When Patterson raised her eyes to look at her, Tasha realized she had just called her ‘Chiquita’. It was a special nickname she used to call her friend back then, when everything was lighter and things were normal, or as normal as they could be between them. It didn’t feel weird as the simple Spanish word came out of her lips by accident, but it sure did now that Patterson pointed it out to her. This was not her place anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Tasha said, embarrassed. It was her turn to stare at her own hands now.

“No, Tash,” Patterson whispered sadly, “Please don’t be… I missed it.”

That made Tasha raise her eyes to meet her friend’s. “I did too…” Tasha admitted and smiled shyly.

After a moment, she saw a change in Patterson’s face, and remembered the reason why she was there. “Are you alright?” Tasha asked for the second time that evening.

“Yeah sure, all good,” Patterson answered too quickly and Tasha just nodded, not wanting to pressure her even more. She didn’t want to tell Patterson she heard about the adoption forms, in case the other woman wasn’t willing to share that with her, so they just sat in silence.

A sound came from Patterson’s computer making both women look at the screen. It said Patterson received a new e-mail from… ‘New Families Adoption Agency’. Patterson gasped as she closed the notification as fast as she could. Tasha did too.

She couldn’t just pretend she didn’t see it. It was RIGHT THERE. And apparently Patterson decided to adopt a child in record time, while Tasha was lost in her sad thoughts about wasted time and being out of place.

And speaking about being out of place… “I need to go,” she heard Patterson say and rush out of the lab.

Tasha sighed. It was painful to feel like a stranger to everyone on the team, but it was even worse with Patterson. She used to know everything about the other woman, all her dreams and aspirations, all her quirks and best qualities, all her pet peeves and favorite things. She used to know if Patterson had real food for lunch, or if she forgot to eat because she was too invested on a case. She used to know which books Patterson was reading and if she liked them or figured out how they ended after the first 20 pages. She used to know if Patterson tried to go on a date with a ‘cute but average guy’ and she’d definitely know if said date was a complete disaster, like it usually did. She used to know which crazy color Patterson wanted to dye her hair ‘if she wasn’t an FBI agent’ and which videogame or boardgame was her current obsession. They used to talk to each other about their fears, their hopes, their plans, the future… Patterson used to include Tasha in her future somehow. And to know that she didn’t anymore was absolutely gutting.

The Latina knew she had it coming though. All the lies she had to tell because of her undercover job, all the relationships she had to sacrifice in order to succeed on her mission. She knew what she would lose when she made her decision, and she did it anyway because she believed in a greater good. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell now. Tasha laughed at that realization, thinking that it didn’t take a lot to hurt her after all…

Feeling lonely was fine, she got used to that after some time. But feeling completely out of place, like she had no idea how to even breathe around people, that was what was killing her. Tasha used to feel like this all the time when she was young. She was never close to her family, she never had friends at school. It was hard knowing what to say, what to do and specially what not to. So Tasha kept it to herself.

Eventually, though, she met someone who managed to break her walls and become her best friend. Suddenly she felt like she belonged, like she had a place in the world. But that didn’t turn out well when Tasha fell in love with them and ruined everything. So, she decided she’d just go back to being alone… It was easier to breathe that way. That was until she joined the NYPD and met her partner. But then he died, and she was on her own again. After years, the Team happened. And slowly those people became the family she never had… Until she fucked that up as well.

“Oh, you’re still here,” Patterson’s voice startled her, she was so lost in thought she didn’t hear her come back to the lab.

“Yeah, sorry I was just leaving,” Tasha said shaking her head to clear her thoughts, “Even though I have no idea where to go,” she muttered, her heart heavy with the sudden honesty of her words.

Patterson looked at her a pitifully, “I’m sorry,” the blonde woman said, “Everything must be super weird for you, I mean, it’s weird for everyone, but for you I just-“

“Don’t worry,” Tasha interrupted her. She never needed anyone’s pity, “Have a good night Patterson,” she walked towards the door, but stopped to look back and smile sadly at the other woman, “I’ll see you around.”

“I think I just might have made a huge mistake out of impulse,” Patterson blurted out before Tasha could leave. She took a deep breath and turned back to face her friend, “I think I was too excited because of Bethany and I just… Pressed send because the e-mail was RIGHT THERE. I’ll kill Rich for this I swear to god I’ll kill him for this! He didn’t have the right to pry into my life like that and now I can’t undo this. Ohmygod I can’t undo this. Okayokayokayokayok- how did anyone invented a way to wipe an e-mail out of the face of the earth yet? Now I’ll have to be a fucking mother, A MOTHER when I don’t even know how to be an adult myself I mean have you seen my life? I’m a joke Tasha! I have no one, all my ex boyfriends are CRIMINALS and that says a lot about my judgement, how am I supposed to RAISE A DECENT HUMAN BEING who makes reasonable choices when I am like this? Not to mention this fucking job I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t-”

Tasha knew Patterson was about to panic, she was hyperventilating and speaking incoherently now, so the Latina walked to her friend and called her name, trying to meet her eyes unsuccessfully. Patterson was losing it.

“Patterson,” Tasha tried again, this time gripping Patterson’s shoulders to make her stop shaking, “Patterson please take a breath, you have to breathe,” she got no response, so she moved her hands to Patterson’s face, still trying to meet her eyes, “Chiquita, please look at me,” that apparently caught the other woman’s attention, because she finally seemed to acknowledge Tasha’s existence with her confused eyes.

“That’s it, Chiquita, now take a deep breath with me,” Tasha said softly and inhaled, never breaking eye contact. She smiled as she saw that Patterson at least tried to catch her breath, “Good,” she exhaled, “Now one more time with me,” she caressed her friend’s cheeks with her fingers trying to make her breathe deeply.

Tasha kept whispering words of encouragement as Patterson’s eyes slowly cleared and she finally calmed down. Still holding the other woman’s face, Tasha said in a serious tone, “You are going to be the best mother in the world.”

At that, she saw Patterson smile and couldn’t help but smile back and bring her into a tight hug, “I believe in you,” Tasha whispered burying her face in her friend’s hair. She missed her so much, “I’ll be here for you if you want me, Chiquita,” she promised.

“I do,” Patterson said, her voice still a little shaky, “Everything feels weird and wrong without you here, Tash.”

“Then I’m not going anywhere.” Tasha said and felt Patterson tightening her arms around her.

“Good,” the scientist said sweetly, “Because you belong right here.”

Tasha smiled trying to keep her tears from falling down. She wasn’t sure what the other woman meant by ‘here’, but either if it was the FBI or Patterson’s arms, she was happy to find her place again. And this time she’d stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! i enjoy writing sad tasha way too much, i can't help it.  
> i'll add a second chapter soon and i promise i'll give us gays what we deserve.
> 
> i hope my english isn't trash lol  
> kudos and reviews are amazing and always appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY ALL, HOW WE DOING AFTER 5x01???????!!!!!! i'm so happy our little fandom is FINALLY thriving! it's what we deserve and i really hope we keep winning somehow
> 
> thank you so much for reading the first chapter and here's the final one, as i promised :)  
> first, please note the change in the rating.  
> second, i want to apologize if this is weird and out of character in any way, but i hope it's not! i really tried to make it make sense as best as i could, because i believe every pairing deserve the cliche you're about to read VBDJBJVSJDKBHBDV  
> i told you i was gonna give the gays what we deserve and i'm praying i delivered. it was a fun one to write, since i'm not used to write this kind of fics
> 
> again, thank you lotusfl0wer for the support, você é meu tudo.
> 
> enjoy!

_“Falling for her didn’t feel like falling at all. It was like walking into a house and suddenly knowing you’re home.”_

\----

Tasha woke up because the room was too bright and there was a stupid beam of light right on her face, but she refused to open her eyes. She was sure it was too early in the morning and it should be illegal to be awake at that time on a weekend. She should have checked the blinds to make sure they were properly closed before going to bed last night. Nothing annoyed Tasha more than a bright room in the morning. Well, except maybe for Rich. And clowns. And surprise parties. And slow people walking in front of her. And bad coffee. Comedy shows. Being hungry. Mondays. Straight people. Fine, people in general… Yes, okay, maybe Tasha was annoyed by a lot of things, not the point.

The Latina was about to give up and get out of bed to find something to do when she felt a warm hand on her face, caressing her cheek gently.

“Whyareyou awake already?”

“Mhhhh too bright,” Tasha mumbled in response and smiled still with her eyes closed, moving her face to prolong the caress. When the hand traveled slowly from her cheek to her neck and shoulder blade, she felt goosebumps all over and took a deep breath. “You know,” she whispered, more alert now, “It’s kinda scary how you know I’m awake even before I’m actually awake-awake.”

She heard a giggle and felt the bed move until she had a person curled up onto her side, with an arm across her chest and a head resting on her shoulder. “It’s ‘cause I know you, Tash, with eyes closed. Both yours and mine,” Tasha shivered at how true that was, but maybe it was the hot breath against her neck and then lips. Sweet perfect lips peppering her skin with kisses. She definitely wasn’t annoyed by being awake so early or anything in the world whatsoever.

Unable to lie still any longer, Tasha turned on her side to kiss those lips. And she did, repeatedly, while tangling her hand in soft hair and her legs in even softer ones. The sensations wakening her body inch by inch. It felt like heaven.

Tasha deepened the kiss and whimpered at the feeling of fingertips lightly running down the small of her back. A shared giggle interrupted the kiss, “You know I’m ticklish, stop it!” She said.

“Well you don’t look like you want me to stop anything.”

That sentence alone wiped every coherent thought from her brain, “Chiquita…” she pleaded. And the kiss that came after rendered her mind completely blank. It was crazy how even after years she still felt like this with Patterson. That woman was the only person in the world who could turn Tasha Zapata into whatever she wanted. Hopeless romantic? Done. Horny teenager? Done. Giddy and lighthearted? Done. Boardgame nerd? Done. Out and proud? Done. Wife? DONE.

It’s been this way for 7 years. Waking up next to the woman she loved, the love of her life, her wife. And Tasha still wasn’t sure what she did right in her life to deserve Patterson. Even when they were just friends, even when they fought, even when they had to work together not only to beat criminals and make the world a better place, but to rebuild their trust in each other. Patterson was always Tasha’s favorite person and if someone told her they’d be married one day, Tasha would never, ever believe it.

Not only because she spent years and years being clueless about being in love with her best friend, but also because she didn’t think she deserved that kind of love from someone like Patterson. Still, she was the one who helped the Latina get back on her feet after she lost her track completely. She was the one to show Tasha she had a place in the world and made her want to stay, instead of running away like always. She was the one to make her laugh again and feel good about it. She held her at night and made her coffee in the morning. She encouraged Tasha to open up to people without being scared or ashamed of being herself. She got Tasha to BE herself. To embrace her flaws and her strengths, her past and her present. She made Tasha hope for the future, instead of fearing it.

Day by day, Tasha found out that Patterson never stopped including her in her future and, day by day, they build a future together. At first, they were confused, scared of what ‘together’ might mean. But their romantic relationship seemed to develop naturally, like it was meant to be from the start. Tasha didn’t fall in love, she walked into it because it was the only thing that made sense. And so did Patterson.

“Tash,” Patterson half moaned half spoke, making Tasha come back to reality and open her eyes for the first time since she woke up. Somehow, she ended up pinning the blonde woman to the bed, “Hi,” Patterson said with a knowing smile, her arms above her head firmly secured by Tasha’s hands, her pupils blown up.

“Hey,” Tasha answered smiling back and lowered her face to meet the other woman’s lips again.

“We should stop this while we can,” Patterson said between kisses and Tasha bit her lower lip teasingly, making her whimper.

“Well,” the Latina whispered and moved so she could say it right into the other woman’s ear, “You don’t look like you want me to stop anything.”

“I hate you so much,” Patterson said in frustration.

“No…” Tasha whispered again, caressing a neck with her lips, “No you don’t.”

“No I don’t,” Patterson agreed and moved her hands from Tasha’s grip to tangle it in her hair.

“I love you too,” she said smiling against soft skin, “But, as always, you’re right. We should stop this.”

“Nooo, I changed my mind” Patterson protested when Tasha tried to move her body from above her wife, “Just one more kiss.” Tasha’s eyes met puppy blue ones, “Please?”

And she complied. How could she ever deny that woman anything? The kiss was deep, passionate, and slow. Patterson kissed back with so much love and abandon it made her want to cry, but she didn’t. Instead, she focused on trying to let her body say what her mind couldn’t even begin to understand.

“GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!”

A squeal and giggles made them part from each other’s lips, only to find a little person by their bedroom door covering her eyes with her hands.

“Good morning, drama queen,” Tasha said playfully and moved to lie down beside Patterson.

“Come on, Olivia,” Patterson said with a smile, patting the bed as soon as the girl uncovered her eyes. The gesture made the kid run towards them immediately, jumping right between the two women with a thud. “And what must you say to people in the morning?” Patterson asked her in a serious tone.

“Ughhh,” the little girl grumbled, “Good morning mom,” rolling her eyes, she pecked Patterson’s cheek.

“This bed is mine too, you know?” Tasha pointed it out, making Olivia grumble again.

“Good morning mama,” she said turning on her side to give Tasha a peck too. “Can we go eat now?”

“So grumpy in the morning,” Patterson said, stroking Olivia’s curly hair, “I wonder who she learned it from.”

Tasha rolled her eyes. “See?” Patterson stated pointing her, “My point exactly.”

“Oli, please tell you mom what weekend mornings are for,” Tasha said, sharing a look with the 5-year-old.

Olivia smiled, “Letting mama sleep, pancakes and smoothies!”

“YES!” Tasha agreed, raising her hand to give the little one a high five.

Patterson laughed shaking her head in disbelief, “Now Olivia, tell your mama who makes the best smoothies in milky way galaxy, and therefore should be the one to get out of bed and go with you make our breakfast.”

Olivia giggled, “MAMA!”

“Noooooooo!” Tasha uttered and turned her head to the side dramatically to pretend she was sleeping.

“Mama!!!” Olivia called, shaking Tasha’s shoulders with her little hands in order to wake her.

“You know what we do to sleepyheads, Olivia?” Patterson asked.

“TICKLE ATTACK!” The girl screamed with delight and, suddenly, Tasha had two pair of hands tickling her and making her squirm.

The trio laughed out loud and Tasha screamed in a mix of agony and happiness.

“Okay, okay I surrender!” The Latina said, trying to catch her breath and protect her side and abdomen from tiny ticklish fingers. “I’ll go make the smoothies I promise!”

At that, her two attackers fortunately decided to be merciful and stopped torturing her. She set her eyes on them and they looked all flushed, disheveled and proud of their successful plan. Tasha couldn’t love them more if she tried. Her eyes filled with tears as she locked them with Patterson’s.

“Olivia,” the blonde woman said, never taking her eyes from Tasha’s, “Why don’t you go ahead and start setting up the ingredients you’ll need. Your mama will be right with you.”

“Okay!” Olivia said and jumped out of the bed excitedly, “You have to come quick, mama,” she warned before heading to the kitchen.

Tasha kept looking at Patterson as they reached for each other’s hands. The Latina was still lying down, and Patterson sat by her side. She intertwined their fingers, “I told you you were going to be the best mother in the world… And you are, Chiquita.”

She saw a beautiful smile brighten up Patterson’s features until it reached her eyes. Patterson squeezed her hand and looked down briefly, “Remember when Rich actually suggested I adopted a kid with him?”

Tasha looked surprised by the sudden question, “Yeah, I was really pissed about that,” she confessed with a laugh. Patterson raised her eyebrows questioningly at her and she continued, “I just couldn’t imagine you and Rich raising a child together.”

“And could you imagine you and I raising a child together?”

“Not in my wildest dreams!” Tasha answered honestly, “But it still made more sense than Rich.”

At that, they laughed. Back then, Tasha couldn’t even imagine being alive in 7 years, let alone alive, married to her best friend and raising this smart, kind, grumpy-in-the-morning and incredible human being together.

Olivia came to them 4 years ago, when she had just turned 1 year old. And since the day they got her, all the love Tasha thought it was possible to feel for one person, she felt a million times more for her daughter. Being responsible for someone like that, sometimes overwhelmed her and of course both she and Patterson had bad moments, filled with insecurities regarding motherhood, but they were a team, the best one. They always have been.

 _“MAMA! C’mon!!!! Time for smoothies and pancakes!”_ They heard Olivia call from a distance.

Patterson smiled, “Guess your daughter needs you, babe.” She said poking Tasha’s side, then letting her body fall to the bed in victory.

“I hate you so much,” the Latina said getting up to go make breakfast with an overly excited 5-year-old.

“No,” Patterson affirmed, “No you don’t.”

Tasha laughed, “No I don’t,” she agreed and gave her wife a peck on the lips, before heading to the door.

“Tash,” She was about to walk out when Patterson made her look back, “You told me I’m the best mother in the world, but well, you’re not so bad yourself.”

They smiled at each other and Tasha left to tell Olivia they were gonna make super special smoothies and pancakes to eat in bed with mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, i still don't know how i feel about tasha and patterson as mothers, because honestly i think we need A LOT MORE character development for that to make sense. so, this is why i made this fic happen 7 years in the future. but anyhow this is fanfiction, so let us be happy and cliche.  
> AND AREN'T THEY ADORABLE??????????????????? HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO THEM, i guess
> 
> please tell me what you think, reviews make me all soft and inspired.  
> if you wanna scream on twitter, lets do it i'm mournsthegreen
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
